Answers
by Krizy888888
Summary: 'What would happen if 12 got 8 pregnant' '10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why' '11 finds a doll that looks exactly like 9, what does s/he use it for' Those questions- answered. Those circumstances- played out. Re-posted for VidiaPhoenix.
1. 12 Gets 8 Pregnant!

Vexen paced the length of That Room Where Pregnancies Are Revealed (That Never Was). He shot a look towards the duo by the machine, who were glaring right back.

"Axel... Larxene... I have..." Vexen paused dramatically, "...Something to tell you."

"No! Say it isn't so!" Larxene gasped sarcastically.

Vexen, being Vexen, did not pick up on this. Instead, he nodded with all the solemnity of a fake doctor. "It is indeed so. Now, it seems that you two fucked, and in turn fucked up."

"You mean..." Axel looked at Larxene.

"Yes." Vexen brought himself to his full height, which is tall when you're a stereotypical pedophile. "Larxene, you got Axel pregnant."

...

..

.

...Whut?

"What?" Axel asked, clearly baffled.

"I said, 'Larxene, you got Axe-"

"I know what you said, I meant 'What the hell do you mean by that?! Larxene is the girl, and therefore should be pregnant!'" Axel snapped.

"You're right, but the question was 'What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?', so..." Vexen shrugged, 'cause he's useless.

"Question?" Larxene asked.

"I SAID NOTHING!" Vexen got a frying pan from nowhere and knocked them both out before jumping out a window and running off.

* * *

When Axel awoke, he was on the ground. "What...?"

"Nobody bothered to find or move us. Conceited bitches." The Conceited Bitch- erm, Savage Nymph said.

"Who'd want to move you?" Axel snorted.

"Excuse me?" Larxene glared at him.

"I SAID NOTHING!" Axel threw a Chakram at her and did a Xigbar. Which is what Krizy calls disappearing from freakin' nowhere.

"..." Larxene blinked a few times, before slowly backing out and away from That Room Where Pregnancies Are Revealed (That Never Was).

* * *

"So _Larxene_ got _you_ pregnant, and there's something wrong with that?" Roxas clarified.

"Yep." Axel wolfed down another ice cream.

"We also have to buy you ice cream, 'cause as a side effect of your pregnancy you need lots of it." Xion stated.

"Of course." He said, as if it were obvious.

"Axel, why is it weird that you're pregnant, but not Larxene?" Roxas asked.

"Because Larxene's the girl." Axel told him.

"Huh?" Roxas looked at him, all child-like innocence. Looking past the 'angsty teenager literally made of darkness' part.

Suddenly, sensing the quickly upcoming boredom, Something Happened.

The clock tower blew up.

"Take that, chicken wussies!" Seifer ran off.

"Wha..." Roxas lifted his head as Axel began to freak out.

"What's wrong? Is it the baby?!" Xion asked, hurriedly trying to remove the chunk of clock stating 'VIII' that was crushing VIII.

"The- not the baby, _the ice cream!_" Axel wailed, the perfect mother that he was.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Roxas also began to freak out, before summoning his Keyblade and smashing the giant pieces of the Clock Tower in an attempt to reach the ice cream.

Xion facepalmed as the cops that SquareEnix should think of getting drove into the area.

"This is the police! Put your hands up!" A policeman yelled. Because Nobodies listen to the police.

"Not until I save the ice cream!" Roxas continued to destroy things violently in a way that would make Berserk Saix proud, jealous and terrified.

"Tranquilize him." Ignoring that policemen usually don't carry tranquilizer darts, they got out said ammo and proceeded to hit everything but Roxas, including Axel and Xion.

"Axel!" Roxas gasped, before directing his non-rage onto a random police officer. He _is _part Sora, after all.

"What about the girl?" Another random policeman asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, her too." Roxas paused as he said this, giving the beaten man a chance to crawl away.

Also seeing their chance, the reasonably fit police people tackled Roxas and knocked him out cold.

* * *

"Did you save the ice cream?" Axel asked.

"No..." Roxas hung his head.

"Damn it!" Axel frowned.

"Shut it! There are little girls in there!" The policeman watching their jail cell snapped.

"Excuse me?" Roxas growled.

"Nothing." The policeman stated. "...You _are _an eight year old girl, right?"

"I'm a dude, and several hundred days old!" Roxas said.

"...Right." The man nodded. _Crazy little girl... Reminds me of that redheaded chick..._

"Wait," Xion said suddenly, "Can't we just portal out of here?"

"Yeah." Axel said. After a moment, they did so, leaving a baffled policeman behind.

* * *

"Explain to me why this _doesn't_ scream 'I'm a failure, and my kid is going to be a walking disaster.'" Larxene asked Axel, pointing to the Twilight Town Daily Paper(Guess who made the front page...).

"...No comment." Axel replied.

Larxene then said words to him, hit him in the back of his knees with a cane and hobbled away like the old witch she was while mumbling about disowning them and having an affair with Seifer.

"Are you serious?! You can't leave me! Who else will I force the baby on?!" Axel ran after her.

"Roxas. Xion. Saix. That drunken beggar in the Underworld. I don't care." Larxene portaled away.

"...That's a good idea..." Axel mumbled.

* * *

"So, uh, you willing to take the kid?" Axel asked the drunken beggar.

The beggar stared at him. "No."

"You can sell it on EBay." Axel told him.

"I dohn't 'ave inturrrnet." The guy slurred. Pause. "Why don' yoo sell it ohn Ebay?"

"GENIUS!" Axel took the hat off the guys' head, put a WINNER stick in it and replaced the hat. "Thank you!"

"...Whut?" The guy removed the stick and stared at it. "I'm lactose intohlerunt."

Axel was already gone.

* * *

Not too long after, Demyx was on EBay, looking for stuff.

"Hey Zexy, check this out!" He yelled.

Zexion, who was three rooms away, winced but knew better than to ignore Demyx. He portaled to the Nocturnes' room.

"What?" He asked, visibly annoyed.

"Someone's selling a baby!" Demyx pointed.

"...Fascinating." Zexion said dryly, and turned to go. Demyx latched onto his sleeve, sending them both to the ground.

"It's Axels'." Demyx informed the very irritated Tactician.

"This makes me care why?" Said blunet was trying to untangle himself from Demyxs' grip.

"Aw, you're no fun." Demyx whined.

"Then cease contact with me."

BANG.

Demyxs' door was kicked open, and Xigbar walked in. The three stared at each other, slowly realizing the incredibly compromising position the two lower ranking members were in.

"Hey Xiggy! Guess what- Axel's selling his baby!" Demyx chirped.

"I know." Xigbar told him, fiddling with his phone.

"Whatcha doing?" Demyx asked him.

"Photographing you and Little Boy Blue." Xigbar said. "Then sending it-"

"AXEL!"

The three men froze as Larxene and Vexens' voices, as one, echoed through the halls.

"Damn, Flamsilocks is screwed." Xigbar commented.

* * *

Indeed Axel was.

"Uh, yeah Larxene, Vexen?" He asked, rubbing the back of his head.

The both began to complain, their words overlapping. But from what was understandable, Larxene was being Larxene and Vexen was Xemnas-ing. Which is also known as blabbering on about hearts. Xemnas-ing, that is.

"So, wait, what?" Axel interrupted. Larxene went first.

"You are _selling our baby_ on _EBay_, which probably isn't even _legal_-"

"It isn't." Vexen butted in. Larxene gave him an icy glare.

"Like I care." She hissed.

"Wait, you didn't care about the kid before. Why do you care now?" Axel asked.

"I don't. I'm pissed cause _you didn't tell me, and was going to keep the munny_!" She explained in her sweet, gentle, calm way.

"Yeesh, if that's what you want, you can have a cut." He told her.

"I want seventy percent, or you get fucked by my kunai." She said, summoning her pointy, pointy knives.

"Seventy. Great. Perfect." Axel backed off.

"Now, time for me." Vexen stepped into Axels' main line of view. "It seems that the child has a heart, meaning that I could use it for testing. But if you _sell the heartImeanchild_, we won't be able to do that. So-"

"You can buy it." Axel offered, eager to get the hell away from the two of them.

"..." Vexen went tight-lipped. "Fine."

A transaction was made, Axel gave up the kid to Vexen, Larxene went and used the kunai near Axels' man-parts anyways, and numbers VI and IX were given grief about the Zemyx position.

Which is what would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant.


	2. 7 And 8 Get Married!

"Hey, Saix."

"Yes, Eight?"

"Let's get married."

"...Are you high?" Saix grabbed his comrades' face and checked his eyes.

"Nope." Axel grinned. "Drunk. Let's get married."

"We don't have hearts." Saix deadpanned.

"So? Marriage isn't about 'love' or 'emotions' or 'tolerating each other reasonably well'." Axel groped Saix.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" A sudden flood of Fangirls tore through the Castle, squealing like... well, Fangirls... "Do it again! Do it again!" They began to chant, smearing purple makeup under their eyes.

"Great. Lexaeus, we have another Fangirl invasion." Axel called to the Living Rock, AKA Lexaeus.

The Rock-Man(not to be confused with Rock-Boy/Rock-Ass/Rock-Assed-Boy/Roxas) grunted in response.

"I'll take care of 'em." Xigbar waltzed in with a classic perverted grin. "Ladies."

"Ewy." An Axel fangirl looked disgusted.

"Actually, he's kinda sexy." A Saix Fangirl looked Xigbar over, and Axel and Saix left the room.

* * *

"So, whadda ya say?" Axel pestered Saix. Sober.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"MyFianceSayWhat."

"What?"

"HA! I win." Axel did a little dance. Saix whacked him with his Claymore.

"Idiot say 'Ow.'" Saix deadpanned.

"Ow..." Axel clutched his head, then gasped. "NO! My beautiful face!" He got up and ran off, his hands cradling his 'beautiful' face.

"Idiot runs into the wall..."

"Nnngh!" Axel uncovered his face, and ran out of sight.

* * *

"Hey! Midgets! Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat!" Axel portaled to the ledge in front of the Clock Tower ruins.

"We aren't midgets!" Roxas protested.

"We're 'petite.'" Xion said. Roxas stared at her.

"I perfer 'midget', actually." He told Axel, who waved his hand furiously.

Xion waved back.

Axel stared at her a moment, then blinked. "Whatever. But guess what!"

"What?" The two Petite Midgets chorused.

"Saix and I are getting married!"

...

..

.

"WHAT?!" Xion burst into tears. "What kind of friend are you?!"

"What's wrong with- oh, yeah, right..." Axel scratched the back of his head. "Um, you can be the Assistant Flowergirl."

"Assistant? Who's the Flowergirl?" Roxas asked.

"Marluxia." Axel made it sound obvious.

"I don't want to be the Assistant Flowergirl!" Xion stopped crying. "Can I videotape?"

Axel paled. "Hell no."

"Why not?" Roxas asked.

"Because as hot as I'll be, I don't want myself in a dress on videotape." Axel explained.

The Petite Midgets snorted.

"What?" Axel asked defensively.

"Saix in a dress wasn't even an option, was it?" Roxas pointed out.

"...No." Axel admitted.

"Wait, why won't you also be in a tux?" Xion asked.

"Saix wouldn't go through with it otherwise." He whined.

"...Can I videotape?" Xion asked, widening her blue, innocent, childlike, Petite Midget-like eyes.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"WhatMeansYes."

"What?"

"HA! I win!" Xion did a little dance. Axel facepalmed.

"Fine. But no blackmail." He glared glaringly at her.

"No promises!" She told him, before hastily portaling off.

* * *

"So, wedding preparations..." Axel turned to Saix.

"I've taken care of them. _You_ need only to send the invitations, which I'm reasonably certain you will not screw up." Saix handed the pyromaniac a large pile of kindleImeaninvitations. They were grey and had the Nobody Insignia and were hideously boring.

"These are grey and have the Nobody Insignia and hideously boring." Axel commented, not reading the fic. Damn little-

"I'm reading now." Axel growled.

"Reading what now?" Saix asked.

"Nothing." Axel said, before hurrying off to burnImeansend the invitations.

* * *

"Axel..." Saix stared at the burned ash on the floor(yes, Axel burned ash. Cause he's awesome like dat). "...What the hell?"

"Don't worry, don't worry." Axel grinned. "I re-wrote them." He held up the invitations, which were colored in with reds and yellows and oranges, with poorly drawn little sea-salt ice creams on the edges.

"Did you get those from Namine?" Saix asked.

"No! I colored them myself!" Axel informed him.

Saix fell onto the floor, laughing. "...Oh...My...Xemnas..." He panted inbetween laughs.

"At least I'm not ugly." Axel retorted lamely.

"Are you calling me ugly?"

"Yes."

"How sad."

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm better-looking than you."

"OOH, BURN!" Xion suddenly appeared at the door. "OUCH! HE GOT YOU GOOD! YOU_ BURNED_! YO _BURNED_ AND YO A _FIRE ELEMENT_! SCORE~"

"Xion, shut up." Axel told her.

"SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE BRI-GADE!" Xion continued to ignore him, catcalling, until he threw her over his shoulder and ("YOU GOT 'IM GOOD, SAI-SAI!" "_What did you call me?!_") speedwalked out of the room.

* * *

Far, far away in Castle Oblivion, a phoenix attacked Namine. Or that's what she thought, anyways.

"HIYA!" She summoned her Keyblade(What? Everyone has one these days) and began to attack it. The battle was epic. "The heck?" She said, once she had killed it. Two envelopes were dangling from its' foot.

She took them. "These look like I made them... Hey! One's for me!" She took it and opened it. "Axel and Saix are getting married? Who knew?"

There was a burst of flame, and a new, baby phoenix emerged from the dead ones' ashes. Glaring at Namine, it flew away.

"What?" She asked innocently.

* * *

Also in Castle Oblivion, Ventus was playing solitaire. "Damn, Aqua, where are you?"

As if by magic, a disgruntled phoenix wearing knights' armor and carrying a shield broke down the wall. It placed the shield in front of itself, removed a letter from its' ankle, threw it over the hunk of metal and took cover like all hell was about to break loose.

Ventus brightened. "From Aqua?" He ripped the envelope open. "Huh... looks like Namine made it..."

"I GET IT!" Axel screamed from wherever.

Ventus paused. "Weird..." He read the invitation. "Who the fuck is Axel and Sai- Oh, Lea and Isa." Another pause. "Who the fuck is Lea and Isa?!" He thought about it. "Well, I do need to get out..."

* * *

"What the Me is going on here?!"

Mansex burst into The Chapel That Only Exists During Business Hours. "Why is everyone but the girls and Axel in tuxes?! Why is Sora and Ansem: Seeker Of Darkness here?!"

"Riku." The possessed Riku corrected.

"Whatever! Why isn't Kairi here?! Why isn't Aqua and Terra?! Why does Axel look so hot in a wedding dress?!"

"Told you." Axel stuck out his tongue, aiming at Xion and Roxas.

"Did you not get the invitation, Superior?" Saix asked.

"What invitation?" Mansex asked.

"Oops." Axel said, looking sheepish.

"What?" Saix glared at Axel.

"I may have forgotten to re-write Xemnas'. Don't be mad..." Axel held up his hands.

"LINE-STEALER!" Demyx screamed, standing up suddenly. Xigbar put his hand on Demyxs' shoulder and lowered it, bringing with it the (Not So) Melodious Nocturne.

"I will not stand for this! Not only is Saix mine, but you stole Demyxs' line! That rhymed! In the name of Kingdom Hearts, I shut down this wedding!" Xemnas declared, and summoned thousand of Heartless and Lesser Nobodies, who went berserk and went on a rampage.

Until the priest called The Cops That Are Rarely On Duty When They Should Be.

Luckily they were for once, and soon the wreckage was surrounded by policepeople and policecars and the police.

One of them, who Roxas had beaten up in the previous chapter and had to be relocated, recognized the blond and ran away screaming. He was also the head policeman.

"The fuck?!" Another shouted.

"Maybe we should do that too." The newbie suggested.

"Alright." The policepeople also ran away screaming.

"Back to the castle. Now." Xemnas formed a portal.

So Ventus was forced to return to Castle Oblivion, Namine was stripped of her Keyblade, and Xemnas is no longer allowed near weddings. Also, that is Ones' reaction to seven and Eight getting married.


	3. 1 And 13 Go Out!

"Axel! Axel, guess what?!" Xion ran to Axel, who was doing something that was probably stupid.

"What?" Axel stepped away from the burning rocket.

"WE'RE GETTING AN ICE CREAM MACHINE!" Xion shrieked.

"Uh, great! Does Roxas know?" Axel asked. _Or claimed first dibs_...

"Yep! But I'll go remind him!" Xion portaled away, and Axel returned to adjusting the cucumber.

Before long, Xion came back. "I can't find Roxas!"

"What?" Axel turned to her.

"I've looked nearly everywhere!" Xions' breathing sped up. "Saixsaidhedidn'thaveanymissions-"

"Calm down, he's probably just passed out in a tub of ice cream again." Axel dismissed.

"It isn't Monday!" Xion wailed.

"It isn't?" Axel asked.

"No." Xion said.

"Well, where didn't you check?"

"Mansexs' room, the front of Xaldins' head, Zexions' Lexicon, your canon, Larxenes' room-"

"My canon?" Axel peered inside. "Roxy?"

It blew up, covering them both in ash and sending them flying backwards.

"I don't think he was in there." Xion deadpanned.

"Well, lets' check Mansexs' room, then." Axel got up and opened a portal, and they limped inside.

* * *

Xion ran away screaming, and Axel had a mad puking fest.

"Oh my Heart, Roxas, how could you... do _that_ with Man- Xemnas?!" Axel was on his hands and knees. "I thought you had shame!"

"Man-Xemnas? Is there a Woman-Xemnas?" Xemnas asked.

"Terra." Roxas said.

"I'm- I mean, Terra's a man!" Xemnas said.

"That's not the point! The point is that you, Roxas... yooooo have hit rock bottom." Axel pointed at Roxas.

"I was sitting on his lap." Roxas said.

"Which was touching him! Roxy, how could you?!" Axel asked, Deeply Hurt.

"Why is this a problem?" Roxas asked.

"Yes, it's a fucking problem-"

"We don't have any fucking problems, Ventus is actually quite a nice uke-"

Axel ran away screaming at this.

* * *

"Get a hold of yourself, Eight. The ice cream shop will open again tomorrow." Saix said as Axel lay in a fetal position, sucking his thumb.

"It isn't that this time." Axel whined.

"Then what is it?" Saix asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Roxas and Xemnas are dating." Axel said.

"You caught them getting it on, didn't you?" Saix asked.

"No! Oh, Hearts, THE IMAGES!"

Suddenly, a woman screamed.

* * *

"Xemnas and Roxas are WHAT?!" Marluxia shrieked at Xion.

"...Fuckbuddies." Xion said quietly.

"Xion! What's wrong?!" Axel ran into the Grey Area.

"I didn't scream." Xion told him. "Marluxia did."

"Is he dead?!" Vexen asked, looking like a child on Christmas.

"No." Marluxia gave him the finger, before lowering his voice. "Old pedophile..."

"What?" Vexen challenged.

"You're an old pedophile." Marluxia said, at normal level.

"...This is why nobody actually _missed_ Vexen after he died." Axel gestured to the fight.

"Because he's an old pedo?" Xion asked.

Suddenly, the Destiny Island trio broke through the roof and squashed Vexen.

"Hi!" Xion waved at them.

"Damn, we got caught." Riku swore.

"It's Soras' fault." Kairi glared at Sora.

"What the hell are my Other and his friends doing on top of Vexen?" Roxas walked in, holding Xemnas' hand.

"Why the hell is my Nobody and his boss both covered in hickies?" Sora asked at the same time.

"Fucking." Axel told them both.

"We are not!" Kairi protested.

Pause.

"Roxas... Aren't you going to defend yourself...?"

"No..."

Pause.

"So, uh, Terra was it? How's life?" Riku asked, breaking the silence.

Xemnas pulled Roxas closer to him. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Relax, it's just Sora, Riku and Kairi." Roxas told him.

"Oh." Xemnas relaxed.

"Hey! We can be threats!" Kairi stood up.

"Yeah!" Sora also stood up.

"Oomph!" Vexen pushed Riku off of him. "MEDIC!"

Zexion rushed over to help Vexen.

"For a threat, you're not very threatening." Xion told them.

"Oh yeah? Well, we have your ice cream machine, AND WE'RE GONNA LEAVE WITH IT." Sora said, as if that were actually threatening.

"You monster." Roxas whispered huskily.

"It's okay, Ven." Xemnas patted Roxas' head. "SAIX, ATTACK!"

"DIE!" Saix went into Berserk Mode, attacking the three, who fought back.

"I'm not Ventus." Roxas reminded Xemnas.

"Right." Xemnas muttered.

Which was Ventus ran in, shrieking like a monkey with Namine on his back.

"The hell?!" Marluxia asked as Namine was bucked off.

"Well..." Namine began...

* * *

_**FLASHBACK STARTS**_

* * *

"VENTUS! VENTUS! _VENTUS_!" Namine shook Ventus wildly.

"What- Is- It- Nam- I- Ne?!" Ventus asked.

"Roxas and Xemnas are going out, and Xemnas ordered Saix to attack my Other and her prisonersImeanfriends!" Namine panicked.

"..." Ventus went quiet.

Silence.

More silence.

Until-

"NO WAY IN HELL IS SOMEONE ELSE GOING TO GET TO _MY TERRA!_" Ventus ran off, shrieking like monkey as Namine hitched a ride.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK OVER**_

* * *

"Oh, that makes perfect sense." Marluxia said.

"Kingdom Hearts!" Saix screamed, defeated. He overly dramatically staggered to the window. "Where... Is my heart?!"

Axel slapped him. "Dude, calm down. You aren't dying."

"Killjoy." Saix slumped.

"Yooooooo!" Ventus cornered Roxas. "You devilishly handsome bastard! You stole my Terra!"

"Terra?! I'm dating _Xemnas_." Roxas said. "But thank you, you're rather hot as well. Not as hot as _me, _but-"

"Shut it! Xemnas has Terras' Heart or something, so that makes him Terra." Ventus snapped.

"He's Xemnas."

"He's Terra."

Aqua ran in. "TERRA! HOW COULD YOU?!"

"How the fuck you _you_ get here?!" Xemnas asked her. She slapped him.

"Mary-Sue helped me escape." Aqua told him.

"Told you he was Terra." Ventus told Roxas, then ran over to Xemnas. "TERRA ~ (Heart) (Heart) (Heart-Eyed Smiley Face) *Insert more girly signs* !1!111!"

"Ahem." Aqua interrupted.

"Oh. Hi, Aqua." Ventus looked disinterested.

"Kairi! Hey there!" Aqua waved at Kairi.

"...Who are you?" Kairi asked.

"You don't remember?" Aqua frowned.

"Nope." Kairi shook her head.

"Hey there." Sora grinned at Aqua. "I'm Sora."

"Aqua." Aqua replied.

"You're hot." Sora told her.

"GET OFFA HIM!" Roxas lunged at Ventus.

"MAKE ME!" Ventus replied. They both summoned their Keyblades, and fought viciously over Terra/Xemnas.

"Does he even realize that Eraqus' heart is fused within Xemnas too?" Riku asked.

"Nope." Sora said.

"Well, don't tell him." Aqua told him.

"Wait, what?!" Ventus paused. Roxas smashed his Keyblade into Ventus' jaw, causing Ventus to fly backwards and break through the window.

"Noooooo! Ventus!" Xemnas jumped out after him.

"Xemnas!" Roxas jumped out after _him_.

"That looks like fun." Axel said, lit himself on fire and jumped also.

"It does!" Xion did the same, including the fire.

Sora made to jump also, but was held back by Kairi.

"Not you too." She told him.

"Aw." Sora slouched.

* * *

Ventus screamed as he, Xemnas, Roxas, Axel and Xion freefell.

Then he landed.

Xemnas landed on top of him.

Roxas landed on top of Xemnas.

Axel landed on top of... you get the idea.

Roxas shrieked, flailing his arms. "ITBURNSITBURNSITBURNSAXELYOUIDIOT!"

"I'm aflame too!" Xion whined.

"Then you're an idiot too!"

"You're the real idiot." Ventus shot at Roxas.

"Funny, 'cause I'm smarter than you-"

"That joke's _so_ overused." Xion sighed.

"Why don't you just ask Xemnas-Terra who he prefers?" Axel asked.

"Fine!" They turned to Xemnas.

"Actually, I kinda prefer Ven." Xemnas said.

"Fine! I see how it is!" Roxas stormed off.

* * *

Back in the Grey Area, everything was only getting more chaotic. Someone had started a bonfire and had tied Vexen over it as a "sacrifice", Sora and Aqua were Doing Things, Kairi was being Kairi, and Riku was ordering veggie pizza on Demyxs' tab.

"Where the fuck is Marluxia?!" Roxas stormed in.

"Sacrificing Vexen." Luxord told him.

"SAC-RI-FICE! SAC-RI-FICE!" Marluxia, Repliku and several squirrels were chanting and dancing around the fire.

"Marluxia!" Roxas called.

Marluxia ignored him.

"Marluxia!" Roxas yanked the shemales' sleeve.

"What?! I'm busy!" Marluxia turned to Roxas. Roxas stared.

"Why do you guys have face paintings that look like Axels' tattoos?" He asked.

"It was the closest thing I could think of." Marluxia shrugged.

"Whatever. Go out with me." Roxas said.

"What? Why?" Marluxia asked.

"I have no clue." Roxas replied.

Marluxia shrugged. "Sure."

Everyone returned to where they belonged, Ventus dumped Xemnas once he found out about Eraqus' part of his heart, Aqua and Sora began to go steady, and that is everyones' reaction to One and Thirteen going out.


	4. 7 And 9 Get Married!

Axel walked into Xemnas' office, looking like somebody died.

"Who died?" Xemnas asked nonchalantly, looking over some Playbo- erm, mission reports.

"Nobody." Axel said.

"Which one?" Xemnas asked, still uncaring.

"None of them- the news I bring..." Behind Axel, lighting flashed and rain began to pour dramatically. "...Is _worse_."

Dah dah duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum! Somewhere, an organ played.

Xemnas looked up. "What happened? Was it Roxas?"

"_No_."- Dah dah dum! -"Superior, the news..."- Dah daaah! -"Is..."- Doodlely do dah duum -"FOR ANSEMS' SAKE!" Axel shot a fireball through the wall.

After a few moments, an explosion was heard.

"The news is for Ansems' sake? Forget it." Xemnas looked down at his maga- mission report.

"No, it's that... Saix and Demyx... They're to be wed in a solar cycle!" Axel gasped dramatically.

"..." You could see Xemnas' braincells die.

"Saix and Demyx are gonna get married tomorrow." Axel clarified.

"NEVER!" Xemnas stood, letting the "mission report" fall to the ground. Axel looked at it and pulled a face.

"Is that Xion and Roxas?"

"No." Xemnas kicked it away. "I must stop their wedding!" He strode out dramatically.

* * *

"Now, do you prefer light cerulean blue, or dark turquoise blue?" Namine showed them more paint swatches.

"Oh Xemnas, make it stop!" Demyx cried.

Suddenly Xemnas burst in, yelling "VII! IX! Get your asses over here!"

"Yes! Yes, Superior!" Demyx shot away from Namine.

Saix followed him.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Xemnas demanded.

Demyx shrugged. "I don't read."

* * *

Several floors away, Zexion looked up from his book and frowned further. "Do I sense... A disturbance?"

Luxord shrugged.

* * *

"Superior?" Namine skipped over to Xemnas. "What color do you think-"

"Not now, Namine." Xemnas snapped, eyes fixed on Demyx.

"But, it's important-"

"No, it isn't. Now- _why in the name of Xehanort are you two getting married_?! After Axel-"

"Who's Xehanort?" Demyx asked.

"You'd think to-" Xemnas prattled on.

"Long story." Saix told him.

"_-Blah blah blah-_" Xemnas waved his arms around.

"It looks like we have the time."

"Are you two even _listening_?!" Xemnas began, but was interrupted as Axel burst in.

"Axel, what are you-"

"Like hell I'm letting Xemnas have the fun of destroying your wedding!" Axel began to shoot fire everywhere. The Grey Room part of the castle had burned down before Demyx put out the fire, but by then it was too late and Namines' paint swatches were destroyed.

"Noooo! Now what pointless color theme will the wedding have?!" Namine fell to her knees. Axel ignored her and rampaged through the Castle, burning everything wedding-related.

Xemnas then decided that Axel shouldn't have all the fun either, and ran away in order to join him.

* * *

Axel glared as he sat on top of the newly-built Clock Tower.

"Something wrong?" Xion asked.

"Demyx and Saix are getting married." Axel said, trying to fit his entire ice cream into his mouth.

"Good for Demyx. I never approved of you and Saix any-"

She was hit by an ice cream stick.

Roxas laughed.

"Quiet!" Xion pulled away the stick. "Oooh, WINNER!"

"Gimme!" Axel made a grab for it.

"Nuh-uh. Finders eaters, losers catch on fire and burn inside a pumpkin." Xion taunted.

"Where the fuck did you hear that?" Axel asked.

"Dunno." Xion shrugged. "Is it something different?"

A pony Heartless swooped down and kidnapped Roxas.

"Pretty... I mean, Roxas!" Xion gasped.

"No! Roxy!" Axel threw a bunch of Fairy Dust on himself and flew after it.

Xion went to the ice cream store to get her free ice cream.

* * *

"_Thank you_, my _best friend_." Roxas seethed at Xion.

"Axel was gonna rescue you." Xion said.

She was hit by a flying stick. "Ow!"

"That's for ditching us." Axel said.

Xion looked at the stick. "WINNER!"

"What?! That isn't even an ice cream stick!" Axel spluttered.

Xion shrugged.

"Hey guys." Demyx walked over there. "Hear the news?"

"About your wedding?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah! I was wondering if you two would like to take part in it- like groomsmen or flowergirls." Demyx asked.

"What about me?" Axel asked.

"Sorry." Demyx handed him a restraining order.

"Dammit!" Axel glared, and then got a 'I have an idea' look.

"Sure, we'll help." Xion told Demyx.

"Great." Demyx walked away.

"Guys! I have... a plan!" Axel wrapped in arms around them in a totally non-pedo group huddle.

"No offense, but I don't really trust you." Roxas said.

"But I thought it through!" Axel protested.

"You _think_?!" Roxas gasped.

Axel shot him an annoyed look. "Yes."

"Alright, let's hear it." Xion said.

"You two sabotage the wedding." Axel looked proud.

"Alright." Roxas agreed.

"No way, me and Dem are buds." Xion said.

"But Xi, we're even closer buds, right?" Axel asked her.

"Yes."

"We eat ice cream together every sunset?"

"Yes."

"I buy you that ice cream sometimes?"

"No."

"No?" Axel frowned. "Whadda ya mean, no?"

"You always have us buy it." She replied.

"She has a point." Roxas pointed out, pointing.

"Hold on." Axel left. A few minutes later he returned with two ice creams. "There. I buy you ice cream, right?"

"Now you do." Xion began to eat her ice cream.

"Meaning we're closer friends than you and Demyx, and as closer friends you agree to my idea of sabotaging the wedding." Axel grinned suavely.

"I guess you're right..." Xion smiled.

"Great! Now, to plan..." Axel dragged them off.

* * *

Later, In The Chapel That Only Exists During Business Hours, Demyx and Saix were preparing. Separately, as Demyx was superstitious.

"I'm pretty sure it fits, Xiggy." Demyx said as Xigbar once again let his hands roam.

"What? Oh, yeah." Xigbar removed his hands.

"How do you think Puppy is doing?" Demyx asked, swaying slightly.

"I'm pretty sure he isn't dead." Xigbar told him. "Yet."

"What?" Demyx looked at him.

"Nothing." Xigbar amended.

"Oh. Okay." Demyx waltzed over to a mirror.

"Hey, I gotta go." Xigbar said, and did a Xigbar.

* * *

"Axel?"

"Xigbar?"

"Roxas?"

"Xigbar?"

"Xion?"

The four stared at each other.

"What the hell are you doing in the vent?" Xigbar asked.

"What the hell are _you_ doing in the vent?" Axel countered.

"Are you trying to sabotage the wedding too?" Xion asked.

"Xion!" Axel snapped.

"Yeah." Xigbar interrupted.

"Oh. Then welcome aboard..." Axel grinned in a manner he clearly thought was 'evil.'

* * *

Saix frowned. There was something... wrong. Like always.

He looked up towards the ceiling. "Xigbar?"

Xigbar froze. "Uh... yeah?"

"Why are you hanging from the ceiling?"

...

"I have a message." Xigbar said quickly.

Saix almost smiled. Almost. "From Demyx?"

"Yep."

"What is it?"

"What's what?"

"The message."

"Oh. It's... uh..." Xigbar racked his brain, then gave up. "NOWAXEL!"

Axel pounced on Saix, and knocked him out with his Chakrams. Roxas and Xion then tied him up and shoved him into a sack, and Xigbar opened a portal to Xemnas' office.

"Puppy, I-" Demyx peeked in, and froze. "Puppy?!"

"Demyx!" Xigbar winced.

"Demyx?!" Xion dropped her side of the sack, which held Saixs' head.

"Demyx?" Roxas looked.

Xion and Xigbar both pointed at Axel. "It was Axels' idea!"

"Is this true, Axel?" Demyx pouted.

"Uh..." Axel scratched the back of his head. "I..."

"Axel!" Xemnas stormed through the portal. "What's the holdup?!"

"Superior, you were in on it too?!" Demyx asked.

"In on-" Xemnas saw the sack. "What's in the sack?"

"It was Axels' idea." Xion, Roxas, Xigbar and Demyx said immediately.

"Thanks, guys." Axel muttered.

Saix stuck his head out. "What..."

"You put Saix in a sack." Xemnas growled.

"Axel did." Xigbar corrected.

"No, Roxas and Xion did." Axel said.

"Thanks, Axel." Roxas mimicked.

"You're welcome." Axel replied.

"All of you, shut up." Xemnas ordered. "Roxas, Xion, as the only Keybladers we have you can get away free. Demyx, you are also spared."

The mentioned Nobodies wasted no time in getting the hell out once their names were said.

"As for you two..." Xemnas towered over Xigbar and Axel.


	5. 11 Finds A Doll That Looks Like 9

"Larxene," Axel pointed. "What's that?"

Larxene looked. "A baby?"

"In your room." Axel stated.

"Yes." She nodded, using the 'you're a fucking idiot' tone.

"Why?" Axel asked.

"Because it's mine- literally, as _I'm_ the one who got pregnant this time." Larxene stressed.

"That's why you were so fat and bitchy?" Axel asked, then ducked the kunai aimed at his empty, empty skull.

"I wasn't fat!" Larxene hissed. "Or bitchy!"

"Alright, alright." Axel got up. "Who's the father?"

"Saix." Larxene told him.

"Saix? But I thought he was gay- wait, how did you survive Sexmans' wraith?" Axel asked, even more dumbfounded than usual.

"He doesn't know whose it is." Larxene replied.

"What will you say if and when he asks?" Axel asked.

Larxene shrugged.

"GENIUS!" Axel declared.

"You're a fucking idiot." She facepalmed.

* * *

Marluxia was on a mission, completely uninvolved with the baby.

"Hey!" He picked up a giant doll. "This looks like Demyx!" He thought for a moment. _The things I could do..._

* * *

"Number Seven." Xemnas said, in his Serious Voice.

"Yes, Superior?" Saix asked.

"Tell Number Twelve that I want to see her." Xemnas said, seriously.

"Yes, Lord Xemnas." Saix left.

* * *

"Number Twelve." Saix said.

"What?" Larxene asked.

"Superior wants you in his office." Saix said.

"That's what she said." Axel said. Larxene flipped him off.

* * *

"Larxene." Xemnas looked at her, wearing a Good Cop badge. "Who fathered your baby?"

She shrugged.

Xemnas swapped his Good Cop badge for a PonieWurld Member ID Badge.

"Uh..." Larxene stared.

Xemnas looked. "That's nothing!" He slapped a Bad Cop badge over it.

"Right." Larxene said.

"Who fathered your baby?!" Xemnas snapped.

"Like I know?" Larxene asked.

"Why wouldn't you know?" Xemnas asked.

She shrugged. Again.

"I'll run a DNA test then."

* * *

"Explain to me- again -why Vexen is in the hospital wing." Xemnas said to Zexion.

"Four jumped Thirteen in a dark alley. Two had initially come to aid Thirteen, but-"

"D'you know how to perform a DNA test on a baby?" Xemnas interrupted him.

"No." Zexion said.

"Does anyone that is not-Vexen?" Xemnas asked.

"No." Zexion said.

"Damn... I'll do it myself, then." Xemnas decided.

"Do you know how to, Superior?" Zexion asked.

"No, but if Vexen can do it, anyone can!" Xemnas said, and ran off.

"I didn't know Vexen _could _do it." Zexion mused. "The babys' remains would be interesting to view, then."

* * *

Marluxia dropped from the ceiling.

"Marly?! What the hell?!" Larxene snapped.

"I wanted to show you this doll." Marluxia showed her. "It looks like Demyx."

"So?" Larxene took it from him.

"I don't know." Marluxia admitted.

"I am surrounded by incompetent idiots!" Larxene exclaimed.

"Not me, Twelve." Zexion walked by, reading. He was hit with a bolt of lighting and dropped to the floor.

"Is he dead?" Marluxia nudged Zexion with his foot.

"No. We're not _that _lucky." Larxene said, and threw Zexion into a Utility Closet That Is Never Noticed.

* * *

"Axel." Xemnas looked at Axel.

"Yeah?" Axel looked at Xemnas.

"Where's the baby?" Xemnas gestured to the empty crib.

"I have no idea." Axel said.

"You were with the baby-"

"Xemluxiel." Axel interjected.

"What?" Xemnas asked.

"They named the kid Xemluxiel." Axel said.

"On what drug?"

Axel shrugged. "I dunno. But maybe you should try Namine."

* * *

"Why would I have a baby?" Namine asked them.

"Well, when a woman- such as yourself -falls in love with a man, or woman if she's homo or bisexual, she-" Axel began.

"I meant _Larxenes' _baby. Garlunkel or Zenishtut or-"

"Who cares?" Xemnas asked.

"Good point." Namine agreed. "But why would I have it?"

"It's always the innocent one." Axel said simply.

"I didn't take it." Namine insisted.

"Then maybe Sora..." Axel mused.

* * *

"Vexen... Vexen... Vexen..." Marluxia shook Vexen. "Wake up..."

Vexen woke up and glared at Marluxia.

Marluxia removed the head cast on him gently, by wildly hacking at it with his Scythe.

Vexen protested, but no one cares about him.

"Where's your notes on Repliku?" Marluxia asked.

"I'd never give them to _you_, you ungrateful-"

"Oh, Roxas!" Marluxia called. Vexen paled.

"No! Don't call him! I'll tell you!" Vexen told him.

"Great." Marluxia did an Evil Smile of Evilness.

* * *

"You're going to animate the Demyx doll?" Larxene deadpanned. "That's so pathetic."

"It's life-sized!" Marluxia held it up.

"So?" Larxene asked.

"_So_, it can, uhm... I'm working on it!" Marluxia went back to the files.

Larxene facepalmed. Again.

* * *

"You! You killed Boddy in the Hall with the Wrench!" Axel pointed at Sora. "Miss Scarlet."

"What?!" Sora asked him.

"Nothing." Axel let his hand fall.

"Do you have a baby?" Xemnas asked him.

"Why would I have a baby?" Sora asked him.

"Well, when a heterosexual man decides to enter Hell and get married, the lady will usually want a-"

"Because you stole it." Xemnas cut Axel off.

"Sora, you're a baby thief?!" Kairi slapped him. "And straight?!" She slapped him again.

"I'm not a baby thief!" Sora rubbed his facial cheeks. "Wait- you thought I was gay?"

"Well, yeah. Everyone thinks that." Kairi said.

"I'm dating Aqua!" Sora protested.

"Guys, the baby." Axel interjected.

"Right. I don't have it." Sora said.

"Liar." Xemnas accused.

"Why would I steal a baby?" Sora asked.

"For Kairi." Xemnas said. "Women like babies, right?"

"I don't want a baby." Kairi said. "Especially_ Larxenes_'."

"What's wrong with Larxe- Nevermind." Axel said.

"How did you know it was Larxenes'?" Xemnas asked her.

"Riku mentioned Larxene had a baby." Kairi explained.

"Riku?" Both Nobodies chorused.

"That's who you next expect- the pretty boy." Axel rubbed his chin. "Let us go investigate!"

* * *

"Find him yet?" Axel came out of the dumpster.

"Why were you looking in there?" Xemnas asked him.

"Hey! I see him!" Axel ran off. Xemnas followed.

"GOTCHA!" Axel tackled Repliku to the ground.

"What the hell?" Repliku looked up at him.

"Where were you on the hour of five-oh-thirty?" Axel demanded.

"Axel?" Repliku made a 'WTF' face.

"Yes... _Riku_." Axel said dramatically.

"Are you drunk?" Xemnas asked him.

"I'm not Riku! I'm the Riku Replica!" Repliku said, pissed.

"Huh? Oh." Axel looked at Replikus' clothing. "Sorry." He got off of him. "But wait!" Axel tackled him again. "That explains not only how you knew about the baby, but also how you were able to tell Kairi!"

"What is he talking about?" Repliku looked at Xemnas.

"Larxenes' baby is missing." Xemnas put his face intimidatingly close to Replikus'. "You stole it."

"I didn't steal her baby! I don't want to _die_." Repliku said, in the 'you're a fucking idiot' tone.

"True, true." Axel got off of Repliku. "But where is the real Riku?"

"Destiny Islands?" Repliku guessed.

* * *

"Then I sayed, 'I'll -hic- share the Poopoo Fruit wish -hic- Kairi', and Sora just _lost it_." Riku slurred to a random guy at a bar.

"And how did that help you conquer Ice Cream Land, Colonel Awesome?" The guy asked.

"Oh yeah..." Riku fell over, passed out.

"Whatever." The guy returned to his beer.

* * *

"Probably." Axel agreed.

"Let's go, then." Xemnas opened a portal.

* * *

"IT'S ALIVE! ALIVEEEE!" Marluxia cackled.

"No, it isn't." Larxene told him.

"I know." Marluxia grumbled. "Maybe it needs a heart."

"Of course not! I don't have a heart, and I'm fine." Larxene told him.

"Definitely needs a heart." Marluxia started to rummage through the Riku Parts/Internal Organs box.

* * *

"Have you seen Riku?" Axel asked Kairi.

"Weren't you going to go question him?" She asked.

"Yeah, but we have to know where he is first." Axel said.

"I don't know where Riku is." Kairi told him.

"Riku's missing?" Sora asked.

"Yeah." Kairi said.

"Oh." Sora began to run around. "Riku-Dooby-Doo, where are you?"

"He just gets stupider by the minute, doesn't he?" Axel asked.

"More like second." Kairi replied.

"Guys! You'll never believe who I saw at the bar!" Selphie ran over to them.

"Spongebob Squarepants?" Sora stopped running for a second.

"No. I wish." Selphie said.

"Aw." Sora began to run and scream again.

"Who?" Axel asked.

"Why were you at a bar?" Kairi asked her.

"Long story. I saw Riku." Selphie told them.

"Riku?" Xemnas asked.

"Yeah. See you later, Kairi!" Selphie ran away.

"To the bar!" Axel declared.

* * *

"Y'know, if there was a heart in that box, it wouldn't be in that box." Larxene told Marluxia.

Marluxia threw the empty box to the side. "Whattaya mean?"

"I mean, it would be in Kingdom Hearts." Larxene told him.

"That's it! Kingdom Hearts!" Marluxia gasped. Then he took the doll and ran away.

Larxene sighed and trailed after him.

* * *

"Hey, Roxy!" Marluxia saw Roxas.

"What?" Roxas asked.

"Help me animate this-"

"Is that Demyx?" Roxas looked at the doll. "What did Larxene _do _to him?"

"It isn't Demyx. It's a thing that looks like Demyx." Marluxia held it up. "Wanna help me animate it?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Roxas asked.

"Because you're my boyfriend who must _obey me_." Marluxia hissed.

"Alright." Roxas followed Marluxia.

* * *

"So, wanna go to my plahce and-"

"Riku!" Kairi ran over to Riku.

"Hey, Kairi." Riku waved. He turned to a drunken girl. "Call me litter, 'kay?" He handed her a piece of paper.

"Riku! You have the baby!" Axel yelled, causing everyone with functioning ears to look at him.

"What -hic- baby?" Riku asked.

"Larxene had a baby, and now it's missing." Xemnas explained. "So you took it."

"Your logic is -hic- himpeccable." Riku told him. "Burt I didn't take the baybee."

"Then who did?" Axel demanded.

"Oldette?" Riku guessed.

"Why would Olette take a baby?" Kairi asked.

"Whyz wuldn't she?" Riku asked.

"Fair enough. To Twilight Town!" Axel created a portal.

* * *

"Where's the baby?" Axel barged into the Usual Spot.

"What? Who are you?" Hayner asked him.

"We are the agents of Amber Alert Inc." Xemnas told him.

"Yes, yes we are." Axel agreed.

"Why isn't she in your guys' uniform then?" Pence pointed at Kairi.

"She's PMSing, so we don't argue." Axel whispered loudly.

Kairi whacked his balls with her Keyblade.

"Aieeeee..." Axel fell over.

"See?" Xemnas asked.

They nodded.

"Now- Where's the baby?" Kairi narrowed her eyes. Like a boss.

"We don't have a baby." Olette told her.

"You don't, do you?" Kairi glared.

"No. I mean, yes. No. Uh..." Olette cowered a bit.

"We don't have a baby. Why would we?" Hayner asked.

"Why wouldn't you?" Xemnas countered.

"Because we're sixteen or something and two of us are guys." Hayner said flatly.

"Damn those are good reasons." Axel said. "Maybe we can try Ventus. He's innocent enough to be a devil-spawn."

* * *

"This is stupid!" Larxene called up to Marluxia.

Marluxia was currently outside on a swing stage, the Demyx doll next to him as to be fully immersed in the Kingdom Hearts-light. Roxas was on the other side, helping him.

"Just electrocute it on my cue! Ready?"Marluxia called down to her.

"No!"

"Great! One, two, GO!"

Larxene electrocuted Marluxia.

"Ow..." Marluxia got up. "You missed!"

"No, I didn't!" Larxene replied.

Roxas chuckled.

"Let's try it again!" Marluxia called. "One, two, GO!"

Larxene electrocuted Marluxia.

"The doll! Aim for the doll!" Marluxia told her.

"Fine." Larxene crossed her arms.

"One, two, GO!"

A bolt of lightning struck Marluxia. He muttered choice swears and stood on top of the doll. "One, two, GO!"

He was struck by lightning, and so was the doll, the scaffold, and Roxas.

"Ow!" Roxas glared.

"IT'S ALIVE~!" Marluxia hollered.

* * *

In the Grey Room, Luxord walked in, then turned around once he saw the "events" on the other side of the glass.

* * *

The Demyx doll stumbled to its' feet.

"Yes, my flower! Live!" Marluxia told it.

"Your flower?" Roxas repeated.

"Don't be jealous, Roxas, you're still my favorite." Marluxia patted his head, then turned to the doll. "Empty creature from nothing riven... To you the name Dollmyx shall be given!"

"Dollmyx..." Roxas facepalmed.

"Let's go down, and use my creation!" Marluxia said, and began to make the scaffold descend.

"You've gone insane." Roxas told him, but helped.

* * *

"It worked?" Larxene eyed the doll warily.

"Indeed, it did. Say hello, Dollmyx." Marluxia told Dollmyx.

Larxene fell to the floor, laughing. "Dollmyx?!"

"Yes, he named it that." Roxas groaned.

"You're almost as bad as Vexen!" She cackled.

Marluxia glared at them. "Fine. If you don't want to take part in this, then I'll just go." He began to walk away.

"Wait- I gotta see this!" Larxene took after him, Roxas close behind.

* * *

"So, _Ventus_..." Axel shone a flashlight into Vens' gagged face. "Where's the baby?"

"Did we have to bind him to that chair...?" Kairi muttered to no one.

"Not talkin', eh?" Axel lit his hand on fire. "Then maybe _this _will-"

"Eight." Xemnas stated. Axel looked at him. "He's gagged."

"Oh. Right. Knew that." Axel removed the gag.

"You guys are _crazy_! Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Ven cried, squirming around.

"Don't play dumb with me! You have the baby, don'tcha?" Axel demanded of him.

"Isn't this a bit much?" Kairi asked him.

"Not when it's Larxenes' baby." Axel replied. "That makes it Axel Jr.s' brother."

"Axel Jr.?" Ven asked.

"The kid he and Larxene had in Chapter One." Xemnas told him.

"Oh." Ven said. "What happened to him, anyways?"

"I sold him for 200 munny." Axel replied.

"I can't tell if you care about your kids or not." Kairi said.

Axel ignored her. "Where's the baby?"

"I never took Larxenes' baby!" Ven insisted.

"Then where is it?" Axel asked.

"Maybe Larxene took it. She is the mother of the damn thing." Ven suggested.

"...Oh. Right. Knew that." Axel undid Vens' bonds sheepishly. Ven glared at him, and summoned his Keyblade.

"Time to go!" Axel Portal'ed away.

* * *

No sooner had they gotten back then they ran into the Dollmyx quartet.

"I see you don't have the baby." Axel said.

"What do you mean?" Larxene demanded.

"Xemluxiel." Axel explained.

"It's missing?!" Larxene shrieked.

"Uh, yeah..." Axel admitted.

"Is that Demyx?" Kairi asked.

"No. It's Dollmyx." Roxas told her.

"Dollmyx?" She asked.

"Long story." Roxas replied.

"Axel! Roxas!" Xion ran over. "Guess what! I found this baby crawling around the hallway, and-"

"You took it?!" Larxene turned to her, and things got ugly.

Which what would happen if Seven And Twelve Had A Baby and Eleven Found A Doll That Looked Like Nine.


	6. Punishment

**A/N: I have decided... they will be everyones' slaves.**

* * *

"You both must serve the Organization and Namine, doing whatever is asked of you." Xemnas declared.

"Yes, Superior." Axel said, thinking of Roxas and Xion.

"Whatever." Xigbar said.

* * *

A cactus burst into flames.

"Axel!" Marluxia shrieked, before waving his arms wildly to try and put it out.

Axel glared at him. "What?!"

"Putitoutputitoutputitout!" Marluxia wailed, before seizing the redhead and repeatedly whacking the plant with Axels' face. Once done, Axels' face was black and tiny needles were sticking out in every which way.

"I hate you-"

"Axel!" Demyx called.

"Coming." Axel portal'ed to Demyx. "What?"

Demyx frowned. "Why aren't you in uniform?"

Axel looked down at his cloak. "I am."

"Your _other_ uniform." Demyx stressed.

Axel twitched, and the sound of a girl crying was heard.

"Aww, someones' crying." Demyx pouted. "Should we help?"

"It's Marluxia." Axel said.

"Nevermind, then." Demyx said. "Now-"

"Axel!"

Axel groaned and walked away.

* * *

Warning alarms blared.

"Spongebob! What's the meaning of this?!" Xemnas stormed into Demyxs' room.

"I'm Demyx." Demyx said.

Xemnas ignored him. "Where's Xigbar?"

"In his room?" Demyx guessed.

Xemnas portal'd away.

* * *

"Xemmy!" Xion burst into Xemnas' room. "It's horrible!"

Xemnas was not there.

"Where's Xemnas?" Xion looked around. "Hey, the Castle looks good red."

"What's with all the flashing red alarms?" Xaldin opened the door to Xemnas' room.

"Xaldin! You gotta come help!" Xion tugged on Xaldins' sleeve.

"What is it?" Xaldin tried to free his arm.

"Axel and Roxas are being attacked by Fangirls!" Xion gasped.

"Great. Another Fangirl attack." Xaldin Summoned his lances. "I'm comng."

"Yay!" Xion led him away.

* * *

Xigbar walked into Demyxs' room, only to find him making out with Zexion.

"Demyx?" Xigbar growled. "What's he doing here?"

Demyx froze.

Zexion looked at Xigbar.

Xigbar looked at Zexion.

They began to fight.

"Hey guys, guess what!" Axel appeared.

"What?" Demyx asked.

"Sexman got some monster battlesuits made of purple and blue cheese robot monkeys!" Axel said excitedly.

"Where the hell- no, _why _the hell would Mansex get that?" Demyx asked.

Axel shrugged. "To ward off the Fangirls?"

"Oh." Demyx looked around. "Where are Zexion and Xigbar?"

* * *

In their monster battlesuits made of purple and blue cheese robot monkeys, respectively, Xigbar and Zexion prepared for Battle Over Demyx.

A swarm of Zexion/Xigbar/XigZex Fangirls gathered to watch.

"Go Xiggeh!"

"Kick his ass, Zexeh!"

"Fuck each others' asses!"

"No, fuck Demyxs' ass!"

"No way! Marluxias'!"

"You dare disagree?! DIE, YOU STUPID!"

The Fangirls then turned on each other, and a gorefest broke out.

Meanwhile, Zexion had made several hims, which had ganged up on Xigbar.

Xigbar, however, then shot rusty bananas in every which way, which caused most robo-cheese-monkeys to unite and form a Mega Happy Gorilla and go after it.

Except Zexion illusions. They're illusions.

Thus Zexion won the fight.

* * *

"Xigbar!" Larxene stormed over to Xigbar.

"What?" Xigbar asked.

"Where the _hell _have you been? Don't forget that you're still our slave. Now come with me!" She dragged Xigbar away.

* * *

Marluxia had a plan.

An evil plan.

An evil plan of domination.

"Dollmyx! Larxene!" He turned to Dollmyx. "Where's Larxene?"

Dollmyx shrugged.

"No matter, then. Dollmyx! You will assist me in my evil plan of evil! We are going to conquer Chuck E' Cheese!" Marluxia went to The Garage That Might Explode And Cease To Be At Any Moment, dragging Dollmyx with him.

* * *

"I WILL DOMINATE THE UNICORNS!" Kairi rode away on a rainbow.

* * *

"That's better."

Axel glared at Xaldin.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm in a fucking _maids' outfit_." Axel growled.

"Which is your new unifor-"

A rainbow upon which was a Kairi broke through the window. The Kairi on it stood and struck a pose. "Surrender to me... your unicorns! SURRENDER THEM!"

"We don't _have _any unicorns." He told her.

"Then DIE!" Kairi summoned her Keyblade and went on a rampage.

* * *

"Dollmyx! Feast your eyes upon... Chuck E Cheese!" Marluxia made a dramatic hand gesture towards Chuck E Cheese.

Dollmyx just stood there, not having a brain.

"Let us enter!" Marluxia strode in.

* * *

Xigbar slunk into his room, grumbling Obscenities about Larxene.

"Hi Xiggy~!" Demyx chirped.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Xigbar asked.

"I decided that I like you better than Zexion, so I shoved Zexion out the window and ran here." Demyx replied. Xigbar opened his mouth, possibly to say something. "Anyways, you're my slave for now, so come with me!" Demyx grabbed Xigbars' arm and ran off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zexion was in a Cheese Delivery Van That Never Delivers.

"You will pay, Xigbar..." He twitched. "You will _pay_."

* * *

Marluxia stopped dead, causing Dollmyx to run into his back and collapse.

Because before him was...

"Chuck E Cheese~!" Marluxia squealed, and tackled the mutant mouse-man.

"The fu- Marlu- I mean, pink-haired psychopath-!" The guy in the costume gasped, trying to remain upright under Marluxias' apparent fatness.

"Huh?" Marluxia looked at the giant mouse head. "Do you know me?"

"No." The guy shoved Marluxia off of him.

"You said 'Marlu', so..." Marluxia trailed off.

Dollmyx knocked the guy over, which in turn removed theb giant mouse head.

Marluxia gasped.

* * *

"There we go." Xemnas shoved Kairi in a sack while Saix disposed of the pickled pickles. "Saix, go and take this to Sora and Riku." Xemnas held out the sack.

"Yes, Lord Xemnas." Saix said, being boring.

* * *

"Luxord! You were Chuck E Cheese all along?!" Marluxia gasped.

"Not all along, just for the past thousand words or so." Luxord said.

"Huh... Wait! You can help me conquer Chuck E Cheeses!" Marluxia said, having an Idea.

Then a boat crashed through the ceiling and ran him over.

* * *

Xion let out numerous battle cries as she finished off the rest of the Fangirls with Axel and Roxas. "All done!"

"Finally." Axel added.

"Hey, wanna go get ice cream?" Roxas asked.

"Okay!"

* * *

Sora gasped girlishly. "Santa?"

"No." Saix threw the bag at Sora.

The bag hit Soras' face and knocked him over. "Thanks Santa!"

"I'm not Santa." Saix grumbled, before walking over Sora and Kairi to a Dark Corridor.

"Boring asshole." Riku licked his ice cream.

Lick.

* * *

_"W-Where am I...?" Marluxia looked around._

_"You're in Flowerdeathland, home of the pink!" A purple pickle-flower said, its' voice high pitched. A fushia-colored one appeared._

_"We're gonna have lots of fuuuuuuun!" They giggled in a creepy manner._

"...uxia?"

"What?!" Everything came into focus, and Marluxia realized that he was watching the Picklemiesers.

"Are you okay?" The nurse asked.

"No." Marluxia replied. "I am not okay."

"Okay." The nurse walked away.

"Bitch." Larxene commented. She looked at Marluxia. "I got here an hour ago."

"How long have I been out?" He asked.

"About a day. By the way, you got amnesia."

"I did?" Marluxia asked.

"Yeah." Larxene told him.

"Oh." Something occurred to Marluxia. "Who are you?"

* * *

"There." Zexion closed the Dark Corridor. "Nighty-night, Xigbar..." He laughed manically.

* * *

"And that is why we are all doomed." Larxene finished.

"Okay..." Marluxia said slowly. "But, who are you?"

"I'm Larxene. We work together." She told him.

A pile of bombs came in through a portal and blew the hospital up.

Which is what would happen if Ten got a job at Chuck E Cheeses', and I am asked if I prefer Zemyx or XigDem.

* * *

***Zexion is a tiny blue person, thus a Smurf. A SMURF, I SAY! SMUUURF!**


	7. 10 Challenges 4 To A Chariot Race

Zexion was sitting on Vexens' lap, reading. Cause they love each other or something.

"I challenge you to a chariot race!" Luxord staggered over there, drunk off his already drunk arse.

"Who?" Vexen asked.

"You!" Luxord gave him the finger.

"Me or Four?" Zexion asked boringly.

"Vixen." Luxord slurred.

"I am _Vexen_, but to an inferior rank such as yourself I should be addre-"

"Be in the Coliseum in a something." Luxord walked away.

"This should be amusing... If you're going to, that is." Zexion looked up at his pedophile.

"Why would I ever partake in such a ridiculou-"

"For me?" Zexion activated his Cutesexiness that he apparently has.

"Yes, Master." Vexen was hypnotized.

Zexion grinned evilly. "Master..."

* * *

"Who are you and what are you doing here?!" Phil demanded.

Luxord knocked him out with a sledgehammer.

"Hey, Phil-" Hercules was also hit with a sledgehammer. Which knocked him out.

Luxord tied and gagged them, then threw them into a closet. "Now, for the race preparations!" He hurried off.

* * *

Xion, having overheard Luxords' shouts, was spreading the word about the chariot race. Mostly because she thought togas were involved.

"Roxas! Roxas!" Xion burst into Roxas' room. "Guess wha-"

"HaveyouseenXigbar?!" Roxas asked her, panicked.

"No, and I don't care. But guess what?" Xion prompted him eagerly.

"No!" Roxas wailed.

"Fine, don't guess. But I'll tell you anyways." Xion said. "Vexen's gonna be in a toga!"

Roxas made a disgusted face. "How would you _know _that?"

"Well..." Xion began.

* * *

"Hey Lexeaus!" Demyx ran over to Lexaeus.

"What?" Lexaeus asked him.

"Let's go to a strip club!"

"What?" Lexaeus repeated.

"I said," Demyx repeated slowly, "'Let's go to a strip club.'"

"No." Lexaeus said flatly.

"But, Lexy!" Demyx pouted.

"No." Lexaeus said, walking away.

"Fine! I'll go by myself!" Demyx snapped, and sulked away.

"Now you're required to go." Xaldin told him, walking by. "He'll fuck _something _up if he's by himself."

This Lexaeus considered. "You're right." He went after Demyx.

* * *

"And that's how I found out!" Xion finished.

Roxas snapped awake. "Whuuta? Oh. Right."

Xion frowned. "Were you even _listening _to me?!"

"No." Roxas said.

Xion glared the Evil Glare.

"Uh, you mentioned Agrabah, right?" Roxas asked.

"Olympus Coliseum." Xion corrected. "We're supposed to go there."

"Let's go, then." Roxas opened a portal.

"Not-" Xion began, before Roxas went inside it. "-Yet..."

* * *

"What's going on here?" Marluxia walked into the Coliseum with Dollmyx.

"Me and Vexen are gonna have a chariot race." Luxord told him.

"Why..." Marluxia shook his head. "Nevermind. I probably don't want to know."

"Mmm!" Phil and Hercules wormed their way into the room, followed by Dollmyx.

Marluxia stared.

"Ignore them." Luxord told him.

Suddenly the entire Coliseum caved in on them.

* * *

Roxas and Xion had entered the Olympus Coliseum just as it came crashing down.

* * *

Something felt... _wrong_.

Axel frowned, and thought.

Then smoke came out of his ears and the fire alarms went off and soaked everything.

"Axel!" Saix snapped. "What did we tell you about thinking?"

"Don't do it." Axel deadpanned.

Saixs' eyes went wide, and he slowly stepped back. Axel was eclipsed by shadows.

"Xaldin and Larxene are behind-" Axel began, before Xaldin and Larxene pounced on him.

* * *

**In The Hospital Wing Run By Quacks...**

"You brought it upon yourself." Zexion told Axel.

"Shut it." Axel glared at him, then perked up. "I got it!"

"What?" Zexion asked him.

"Something happened to my munny." Axel declared. Then he started to hyperventilate. "Waitaminuteifsomethinghappenedtoitthen howamIgonnabuyicecream?!"

"Thirteen and Fourteen have munny." Zexion said, getting up to leave.

"Where are they?" Axel looked around.

"No idea." Zexion left.

Something then occurred to Axel.

"Why wasn't Vexen the doctor?"

* * *

"Is Four out of the closet yet?" Zexion asked Xigbar.

Xigbar chuckled, thinking Pervy Thoughts.

"Not yet." Xaldin told them.

"And I am not leaving this closet until you give me my coat back!" Vexen said from inside the closet.

"Don't be so ridiculous, it's merely a toga." Zexion told him.

Vexen said words.

"Where is Five? Surely he would be of some use..." Zexion mused.

* * *

"HOLY SHIT DEMYX LOOK OUT!" Lexaeus screamed. Yeah, Demyx was drunk and driving.

"Wha-?"

They crashed into a tree.

Then a plane carrying a train crashed into them.

Also a boat run by Dream Eaters fell from the clouds and landed on Lexaeus.

"Lexy! Noooo!" Demyx wailed. "You're critically injured and have amnesia!"

"How would you know that?" Riku asked him, calmly licking some ice cream.

"When did you get here?" Demyx asked him.

"I live here." Riku told him. Lick. "You're on Destiny Islands." Lick.

"Nevermind! Call the hospital! If I kill Lexaeus and Sexman finds out I'll be turned into a dusk! Or worse..." Demyx shivered.

"Worse?" Riku asked. Liiiick.

"Yes..." Demyx went serious. "He'll handcuff me to Kairi."

Riku gasped, and dialed quickly. "Don't worry, Demyx. I won't let that happen."

Lick.

* * *

**In The Destiny Islands Hospital...**

"I'm sorry." The nurse bowed her head.

"What?" Demyx asked.

"Your friend..." She looked at him solemnly. "Didn't make it."

"Nooooooooo! Now I'll be turned into a duuuuusk!" Demyx noisy gasped for air and fell on the floor. "Why? Why? Whyyyyy?!"

"Mary, there you are! The patient's breathing." A doctor rushed over.

"But he didn't have a heartbeat." Mary told him.

"He's alive?" Demyx repeated. He got up. "Yes, I am _saved_!"

"Congratulations." Riku licked his ice cream.

Sora and Kairi ran in and took Riku away.

"Bye~!" Demyx waved.

* * *

Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Zexion, Saix and Larxene went to the Olympus Coliseum, having finally gotten Vexen out of the closet.

"I look terr-" Vexen stopped mid-sentence, staring at the Coliseum.

"What the hell?" Xigbar approached it. Then gasped loudly and began to wildly shift through the rubble.

"What's wrong?" Xemnas asked him. Then he saw the two keybladers unconscious among the debris, and helped Xigbar.

"I'm guessing you and Ten aren't going to race." Zexion told Vexen.

"I certainly hope not! This ridiculousness has gone on for far too long-!"

"Roxy!" Xigbar grabbed Roxas.

"Xion!" Xemnas grabbed Xion.

Soft romantic music began to play as the pedophiles looked at the Petite Midgets.

"Roxas..." Xigbar stared at Roxas.

"Xigbar..." Roxas stared back.

They began to make out.

Xemnas and Xion ended up the same way.

"When the hell did _that _happen?!" Larxene gagged.

Saix shrugged.

"Shouldn't we be getting everybody to a hospital?" Zexion asked.

"Yeah."

* * *

"Nine?"

"X-Face?"

"What?"

"Five?"

"Six?"

"Twenty-four." Patrick flew in through a window.

"Twenty-five." Demyx said. "Is that me?" He pointed at Dollmyx.

"Yes." Axel said.

"When did Eight get here?!" Vexen asked.

"The Hospital Wing Run By Quacks was run by quacks." Axel said. "So I moved here."

"_I _run the Hospital Wing Run By Quacks." Vexen seethed.

"I just noticed..." Xion said slowly, Knowledge dawning on her. "Your toga's black!"

"My toga's black." Vexen repeated, and looked. "Huh, so it is." He turned back to Axels' bed, which was now empty.

"Dammit!" Vexen shook his fist. "I'll get that rotten pyro!"

So seven people were hospitalized, Vexen ended up in toga and Riku likes ice cream. Which is what happens when Ten challenges Four to a chariot race and Nine tries to get Five to go to a strip club.


End file.
